Uggh ... I am feeling quite trapped lately by certain aspects of my life ... a bit like an animal in a cage. I might start throwing my poo at the spectators soon if I can't get myself free. Heh. But as of yet I haven't found a way to free myself. I've been desperately searching for the key but I can't find it. I think I need to devote more time to this, but I'm not exactly sure how to go about it.
I second guess myself a lot for feeling this way. Especially when other people make comments like, "Well you should feel lucky just to <fill in the blank here (not getting specific)>." It's not that this comment isn't true, because it is true. The problems I have are first world problems, for sure. I'm not starving in a third world country or being violently oppressed in some other country that's ruled based on some shitty idiotic religion. So I second guess myself quite often ... because maybe I'm just acting like a spoiled brat for not being satisfied with certain aspects of my life.
But then on the other hand, I kind of want to tell the people who make these kinds of "you should just feel lucky to ..." comments to fuck off. Because what if everyone thought this way? What if everyone stopped themselves from wanting to try something different by saying, "Ehh, I should just feel lucky to be where I am and have what I have." If that was the case, then NO ONE in the goddamn world would ever do anything interesting. We'd all just toil away in some factory our whole lives and have 2.5 children and be really lame and boring. Who the hell wants that?
But yeah ... it still comes back to the fact that I don't know what I can do ... how I can free myself from this crappy cage. There is no obvious answer. But I gotta figure something out, and beyond figuring something out, I need to have the balls to actually try it if I can ever figure it out. Uggh. If I look at this post again in 6 months and nothing has changed, I'll know that I'm really failing miserably.
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