As of this past Friday (1/27), it has been exactly one year since my aunt Amy's suicide. Since that was the impetus for me to start this blog in the first place, I decided to do a "year later" check point on this topic. The blogs I previously wrote on this were the following:
Initial gut reaction written shortly after it happened:
http://maryploppins-brainpoops.blogspot.com/2011/02/pros-and-cons-of-suicide-note.html
More gut reaction posted shortly after the first blog:
http://maryploppins-brainpoops.blogspot.com/2011/03/for-us-it-isnt-over.html
The "few months later" update from June:
http://maryploppins-brainpoops.blogspot.com/2011/06/disappointment-and-why-i-might-be.html
The place I was at when I wrote the first two blogs was the point where you still feel like that knife is in your gut, and that someone is twisting it around every time you think about it (which is
very often at that point because everyone is still kind of standing in the middle of the "rubble" of the aftermath and trying to pick up the pieces, if you will). It's shock, it's devastation, heartbreak, anger, etc. My brain subconsciously defaulted back to anger a lot during that timeframe because IMO, anger is a WAAYY easier emotion to have and to deal with than sadness and hopelessness is.