Uggh ... I am feeling quite trapped lately by certain aspects of my life ... a bit like an animal in a cage. I might start throwing my poo at the spectators soon if I can't get myself free. Heh. But as of yet I haven't found a way to free myself. I've been desperately searching for the key but I can't find it. I think I need to devote more time to this, but I'm not exactly sure how to go about it.
I second guess myself a lot for feeling this way. Especially when other people make comments like, "Well you should feel lucky just to <fill in the blank here (not getting specific)>." It's not that this comment isn't true, because it is true. The problems I have are first world problems, for sure. I'm not starving in a third world country or being violently oppressed in some other country that's ruled based on some shitty idiotic religion. So I second guess myself quite often ... because maybe I'm just acting like a spoiled brat for not being satisfied with certain aspects of my life.
But then on the other hand, I kind of want to tell the people who make these kinds of "you should just feel lucky to ..." comments to fuck off. Because what if everyone thought this way? What if everyone stopped themselves from wanting to try something different by saying, "Ehh, I should just feel lucky to be where I am and have what I have." If that was the case, then NO ONE in the goddamn world would ever do anything interesting. We'd all just toil away in some factory our whole lives and have 2.5 children and be really lame and boring. Who the hell wants that?
But yeah ... it still comes back to the fact that I don't know what I can do ... how I can free myself from this crappy cage. There is no obvious answer. But I gotta figure something out, and beyond figuring something out, I need to have the balls to actually try it if I can ever figure it out. Uggh. If I look at this post again in 6 months and nothing has changed, I'll know that I'm really failing miserably.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The Inevitable Phone Call
I was just surfing around my usual celebrity gossip websites right now, and I came across a blog post that Russell Brand had done for Amy Winehouse (who just died over the weekend, most likely of a drug overdose). Apparently he knew her, but even more importantly, he used to be an alcoholic and/or drug addict himself before getting sober in his late 20's, so he has a lot of experience in the area of addiction.
I admit that Amy Winehouse is not someone I've ever paid much attention to outside of following her insane drug-addled escapades over the past few years on the celebrity gossip sites. Her death over the weekend was not the least bit surprising, but still quite sad nonetheless. It brings to mind all the people I've known closely, and also just known about (friends of friends, other celebs, etc.), who have followed this exact same downward spiral.
Anywho I stumbled across Russell's blog via a different article I was reading; here's the blog post: http://www.russellbrand.tv/2011/07/for-amy/ He isn't the best writer in the sense of proper grammar usage and punctuation, but he gets his point across pretty well nonetheless. The part of the blog post that really stuck out to me was the first part:
----------
Man, SO true. I can most definitely relate to this, as unfortunately MANY other people out there can as well. Probably a majority of the general population can relate to this to some extent, from one or more people they've been close to in their lives. For us - It was Teresa in 1997. Arden in 2006. Carole in 2007. Pat in 2009 (his may have been suicide, but it was certainly a direct result of his hopelessly debilitating and relentless drug addiction).
And sadly, I'm sure we'll experience a few more before our lives are through. I'm hard pressed to think of any so far that have involved the "happy" phone call and happy ending. Maybe a couple which were friends of friends, but it seems like our close family members and close friends with drug addictions have all ended in the worst possible way so far (with the inevitable call you always dread). You spend years trying to help the person ... staging interventions ... trying every tactic in the book ... but ultimately you are completely powerless in the entire situation. It's only the addict himself/herself who can control how it ends up.
And eventually, you WILL wind up on the other end of that phone call ... you better just hope that by some miracle it's the happy one and not the dreaded one.
I admit that Amy Winehouse is not someone I've ever paid much attention to outside of following her insane drug-addled escapades over the past few years on the celebrity gossip sites. Her death over the weekend was not the least bit surprising, but still quite sad nonetheless. It brings to mind all the people I've known closely, and also just known about (friends of friends, other celebs, etc.), who have followed this exact same downward spiral.
Anywho I stumbled across Russell's blog via a different article I was reading; here's the blog post: http://www.russellbrand.tv/2011/07/for-amy/ He isn't the best writer in the sense of proper grammar usage and punctuation, but he gets his point across pretty well nonetheless. The part of the blog post that really stuck out to me was the first part:
----------
"When you love someone who suffers from the disease of addiction you await the phone call. There will be a phone call. The sincere hope is that the call will be from the addict themselves, telling you they’ve had enough, that they’re ready to stop, ready to try something new. Of course though, you fear the other call, the sad nocturnal chime from a friend or relative telling you it’s too late, she’s gone."
----------Man, SO true. I can most definitely relate to this, as unfortunately MANY other people out there can as well. Probably a majority of the general population can relate to this to some extent, from one or more people they've been close to in their lives. For us - It was Teresa in 1997. Arden in 2006. Carole in 2007. Pat in 2009 (his may have been suicide, but it was certainly a direct result of his hopelessly debilitating and relentless drug addiction).
And sadly, I'm sure we'll experience a few more before our lives are through. I'm hard pressed to think of any so far that have involved the "happy" phone call and happy ending. Maybe a couple which were friends of friends, but it seems like our close family members and close friends with drug addictions have all ended in the worst possible way so far (with the inevitable call you always dread). You spend years trying to help the person ... staging interventions ... trying every tactic in the book ... but ultimately you are completely powerless in the entire situation. It's only the addict himself/herself who can control how it ends up.
And eventually, you WILL wind up on the other end of that phone call ... you better just hope that by some miracle it's the happy one and not the dreaded one.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Stupid Girls
In my last post I bagged on Twilight a bit, and I hate to bag on it even more now, but there were a couple new things that popped up in the past week that have inspired me to do just that haha. Although I guess a better way of describing it is that I am feeling extra appreciation for certain other things in comparison. ;-) This popped up because I was re-watching Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows Part 1 last weekend, and there is a scene in that movie where the main three characters are running as fast as they can through a forest (trying to get away from the bad guys). It reminded me of a scene in ... I think it's the second Twilight movie? New Moon ... I think it's that one ... where the main characters are also running through a forest (also in a fight with the "bad" vampires if I recall).
But more than remind me of New Moon, the Deathly Hallows scene just made me think about the ENORMOUS difference in quality between the two film series. Harry Potter is just in a completely different universe than Twilight when it comes to quality - not just in movie-making but in storytelling as well. I will admit that I haven't read the HP books, and I only started watching the movies because my cousin Katie forced me to go with her to see the first few back when they first came out (she was a huge fan of the books). I've always found the movies entertaining, but I think I'm gaining much more appreciation for them in these last two or three films. I think it's partly because the themes are a bit more "adult" as the characters get older ... so the movies go from being "cute" to actually being compelling on a more general level. I haven't seen HP7.5 yet but it's out now and I plan to see it next week. HP7.0 was great and it really got me wanting to see the next (and last) one. And maybe after this I'll finally get around to reading the books. ;-)
I also have to admit that I haven't read the Twilight books either, and those I don't plan to read because I've seen the movies and they are just ... lame. It goes back to my complaint in my last blog entry about Bella Swan being the weakest lead character I have ever seen. Now again, my not having read the books means that whatever I say here has to be taken with a few grains of salt. Katie has read the books and she did enjoy the first couple, so they can't be THAT terrible. A book allows you to get into the lead character's head and really feel their thoughts and motivations behind everything they do, which would probably allow me to find Bella Swan at least a little bit more relatable. Maybe ... I dunno. But I suspect that to some extent, the movies may be exposing the weaknesses in the overall story that are not so apparent when you read the books, because the movies to some extent have to strip the books down to their basics. Otherwise you'd wind up with like a 6 hour movie for each book. That's just my theory though.
Anyway the second thing that I saw which triggered me to post this entry was a quote by Stephen King that showed up in my Twitter feed today. At first I wasn't sure if the quote was real, but I googled it and from what I could tell ... it seems to be a real Stephen King quote. It goes like this:
"Harry Potter is about doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend." -Stephen King
Dude. So true. I mean look, I love a good romance story as much as the next girl, but what turns me off about Twilight is that I think that's ALL the entire series is about. It's the center of the story. And to make matters worse, Bella is a character who spends her entire life just waiting for some guy to save her. She can't do anything for herself; she needs the guy to do all the brave/hard stuff. That's what drives me nuts.
Hahah I mean look at her in the above picture ... she's just like, "AAHH Oh Edward save me, I so scurrrred!! What do I do!? Fly me to your vampire paradise Eddie!! EEEEK!!" I can't respect this chick for that. And I think I tend to prefer books/tv shows/movies that are about something compelling, with the romance piece as a subplot that grows out of the circumstances that the characters are put in.
The funny thing is that if there's anything that the HP movies don't do well, it's the romance part haha ... there are romances in them, but the movies don't do a great job of making you care much about them. I think it's because they have so much story to fit into the movies from the books that it's hard to squeeze a ton of the romance stuff in there too. But the point is that I don't even mind that, for two reasons:
a) The theme/story is very compelling in its own right
b) I really like the characters. They're not perfect because humans are not perfect, but I can have respect for each of them for their good qualities (same way it is in real life). One thing I find is that I tend to be more interested in character development than the actual storyline sometimes in the entertainment I watch/read. ;-)
I dunno, these characters just seem to have SO much more depth to them ... or maybe the bottom line is that I've always been kind of a geek and these characters are also fairly geeky, so maybe I just identify with them more. ;-) I also love that so many of the supporting characters are so great too. I mean who the hell would have thought that I ever would've cared about Dobby?? He was a little bit on the Jar-Jar Binks level in Chamber of Secrets, but when he came back in Deathly Hallows pt. 1, I loved him. He even got me choked up, and the character is entirely CGI!!
Anywho, thanks Harry Potter, for providing quality entertainment for the masses. :) Can't wait to see Deathly Hallows pt. 2 as soon as I get a chance.
But more than remind me of New Moon, the Deathly Hallows scene just made me think about the ENORMOUS difference in quality between the two film series. Harry Potter is just in a completely different universe than Twilight when it comes to quality - not just in movie-making but in storytelling as well. I will admit that I haven't read the HP books, and I only started watching the movies because my cousin Katie forced me to go with her to see the first few back when they first came out (she was a huge fan of the books). I've always found the movies entertaining, but I think I'm gaining much more appreciation for them in these last two or three films. I think it's partly because the themes are a bit more "adult" as the characters get older ... so the movies go from being "cute" to actually being compelling on a more general level. I haven't seen HP7.5 yet but it's out now and I plan to see it next week. HP7.0 was great and it really got me wanting to see the next (and last) one. And maybe after this I'll finally get around to reading the books. ;-)
I also have to admit that I haven't read the Twilight books either, and those I don't plan to read because I've seen the movies and they are just ... lame. It goes back to my complaint in my last blog entry about Bella Swan being the weakest lead character I have ever seen. Now again, my not having read the books means that whatever I say here has to be taken with a few grains of salt. Katie has read the books and she did enjoy the first couple, so they can't be THAT terrible. A book allows you to get into the lead character's head and really feel their thoughts and motivations behind everything they do, which would probably allow me to find Bella Swan at least a little bit more relatable. Maybe ... I dunno. But I suspect that to some extent, the movies may be exposing the weaknesses in the overall story that are not so apparent when you read the books, because the movies to some extent have to strip the books down to their basics. Otherwise you'd wind up with like a 6 hour movie for each book. That's just my theory though.
Anyway the second thing that I saw which triggered me to post this entry was a quote by Stephen King that showed up in my Twitter feed today. At first I wasn't sure if the quote was real, but I googled it and from what I could tell ... it seems to be a real Stephen King quote. It goes like this:
"Harry Potter is about doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend." -Stephen King
Dude. So true. I mean look, I love a good romance story as much as the next girl, but what turns me off about Twilight is that I think that's ALL the entire series is about. It's the center of the story. And to make matters worse, Bella is a character who spends her entire life just waiting for some guy to save her. She can't do anything for herself; she needs the guy to do all the brave/hard stuff. That's what drives me nuts.
Hahah I mean look at her in the above picture ... she's just like, "AAHH Oh Edward save me, I so scurrrred!! What do I do!? Fly me to your vampire paradise Eddie!! EEEEK!!" I can't respect this chick for that. And I think I tend to prefer books/tv shows/movies that are about something compelling, with the romance piece as a subplot that grows out of the circumstances that the characters are put in.
The funny thing is that if there's anything that the HP movies don't do well, it's the romance part haha ... there are romances in them, but the movies don't do a great job of making you care much about them. I think it's because they have so much story to fit into the movies from the books that it's hard to squeeze a ton of the romance stuff in there too. But the point is that I don't even mind that, for two reasons:
a) The theme/story is very compelling in its own right
b) I really like the characters. They're not perfect because humans are not perfect, but I can have respect for each of them for their good qualities (same way it is in real life). One thing I find is that I tend to be more interested in character development than the actual storyline sometimes in the entertainment I watch/read. ;-)
I dunno, these characters just seem to have SO much more depth to them ... or maybe the bottom line is that I've always been kind of a geek and these characters are also fairly geeky, so maybe I just identify with them more. ;-) I also love that so many of the supporting characters are so great too. I mean who the hell would have thought that I ever would've cared about Dobby?? He was a little bit on the Jar-Jar Binks level in Chamber of Secrets, but when he came back in Deathly Hallows pt. 1, I loved him. He even got me choked up, and the character is entirely CGI!!
Anywho, thanks Harry Potter, for providing quality entertainment for the masses. :) Can't wait to see Deathly Hallows pt. 2 as soon as I get a chance.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Fangirl
So, I tend to start a new obsession with something (a movie/book/tv show type of thing) every few years. I wasn't always this way and it doesn't happen to me often, but occasionally I will admit, it happens. It never happened to me till I was in my 20s either, but I honestly think that may just be because nothing popped up that was all that compelling to me until then haha. My childhood/teenage best friend used to constantly have at least 4 or 5 obsessions at a time, and since I didn't have any of my own, I would always simply wind up getting sucked into hers. I even wound up at a Star Trek convention once, because she was obsessed with Star Trek: TNG (and more specifically, the character of "Data", oddly enough). I thought it was kind of strange that she would get THAT obsessed over these things ... I could never imagine how it could happen. That is until it finally happened to me, which was not until many years after our friendship was over. Now that I'm in my 30s, I will have to admit that if I had kids, I would have MUCH less time or capacity to get obsessed with anything hahaha. But I don't have kids and I have a job that I find mostly mind-numbing (a bad combo of difficult/challenging, all-consuming, mentally taxing, and yet still mind-numbingly boring), so this is how I wind up in these situations.
Here are my previous obsessions:
1) 2001: I got obsessed with the t.v. show Alias. Sydney Bristow kicked all kinds of ass all over the world and got to do all this crazy fun stuff, and she became someone I lived vicariously through in my own little fantasy world haha. I started reading spoilers online, chatted with people on message boards, sometimes even on IM. That lasted about 2-ish years cause the show started to suck after that haha. But oddly enough, to this day I still have two "internet friends" from way back in my Alias obsession days.
2) 2009: Wow, was it really that long between obsessions? I think I had lesser obsessions in between, but the next big obsession I remember getting is the t.v. show Chuck. A very similar show to Alias, except the lead character is a nerdy guy instead. A comedy or actually a dramedy version of Alias. And like Alias, Chuck has awesome characters, who I can live vicariously through. Chuck is still on the air and I still love it, but its last season (season 5) is starting in the fall and the quality of the show has never quite been up to what it was in the season I first started watching it (season 2). So I still enjoy it but the "obsession" part of it has died down.
3) 2011: I think I now officially have a new obsession and I have to admit it's a LITTLE embarrassing - The Hunger Games book series, which is currently in the process of being made into a movie series (first movie due out in 2012). I'm kind of ashamed to admit it because it's technically a "young adult" series, much like Twilight (blech) and Harry Potter (fun movies but I haven't read the books). But all I can say is, I REALLY wish this book series had been around when I was a teeny bopper. I am certain I would have become completely obsessed then if it had existed. ;-) The books are certainly not perfect; they have their flaws and I had some frustrations with the final book in the series, but they were still damn good entertainment overall. And this is one of those "YA" book series that is getting adults all over the world obsessed with it, so I don't feel too bad that I got sucked in as well. ;-)
It's not hard for me to tell what it is that draws me to these obsessions. There are several elements at play, but the biggest one is that they always have a strong female protagonist (or prominent co-lead character in the case of Chuck) that I can live vicariously through while she gets to do many exciting things that us "normal" people don't get to do in real life. :) Someone who can basically get to have all the fun that the guy character normally gets to have in like 90% of all entertainment out there, lol. I may be exaggerating there with the 90% number, but I do find it pretty rare to find a strong female lead in most movies/t.v. shows/books. Especially the ones that have a theme where the main character gets to kick ass (action/spy/adventure/sci-fi type stuff).
The lead character in The Hunger Games is named Katniss (strange name) and to say that she has "fun" is extremely wrong because these books are about a future dystopian society where 24 teenagers are forced into an "arena" every year to fight to the death ... heheh. Soooo ... yeah ... "fun" is really NOT the correct word in this case. BUT, with Twilight being the reigning teeny-bopper book/movie series in the past few years, I just found this book series SO refreshing in that it had such a strong female lead character. Bella Swan is seriously the weakest lead character I've ever seen and it absolutely drives me up the wall. Thank goodness that characters like Katniss Everdeen exist out there for teenage girls to look up to instead. And I know the theme of the series is somewhat of a "copycat" of Battle Royale and The Running Man ... what book/t.v./movie these days isn't at least partially derivative of something that came before it? It certainly didn't stop me from getting sucked in to this one nonetheless hahah.
Anyway these three books are in the midst of being turned into a movie series, and I am extremely worried that the movie series will ruin the whole thing. Partially because, well, that's pretty much what ALWAYS happens when books are made into movies. But also because they are shooting for a PG-13 rating for a set of books that starts off quite dark and only gets MUCH darker from there. By the end of the third book I felt like I needed therapy ... how the hell can they make this PG-13 without stripping it down?? I don't think they can. So ... yeah I'm pretty sure the movies will ruin it.
On the bright side, I do think they made a really good casting choice on the actress who is playing Katniss though - Jennifer Lawrence, who was nominated for an Oscar for her portrayal of Ree Dolly in Winter's Bone last year. She was great in that role and Katniss is practically the exact same character in many ways, so that works well.
I think they also made a great choice with Woody Harrelson as Haymitch. There are two male love interests and I'm not super confident in the casting choices for those though. We'll see. The director is Gary Ross, who has not directed anything remotely like this before. His previous movies are Seabiscuit, Dave, Pleasantville, and ... Lassie?? Yikes. I mean I know the first three are good movies but they are NOTHING like this one. Please don't screw this up, movie people. I know you're going to.
Here are my previous obsessions:
1) 2001: I got obsessed with the t.v. show Alias. Sydney Bristow kicked all kinds of ass all over the world and got to do all this crazy fun stuff, and she became someone I lived vicariously through in my own little fantasy world haha. I started reading spoilers online, chatted with people on message boards, sometimes even on IM. That lasted about 2-ish years cause the show started to suck after that haha. But oddly enough, to this day I still have two "internet friends" from way back in my Alias obsession days.
2) 2009: Wow, was it really that long between obsessions? I think I had lesser obsessions in between, but the next big obsession I remember getting is the t.v. show Chuck. A very similar show to Alias, except the lead character is a nerdy guy instead. A comedy or actually a dramedy version of Alias. And like Alias, Chuck has awesome characters, who I can live vicariously through. Chuck is still on the air and I still love it, but its last season (season 5) is starting in the fall and the quality of the show has never quite been up to what it was in the season I first started watching it (season 2). So I still enjoy it but the "obsession" part of it has died down.
3) 2011: I think I now officially have a new obsession and I have to admit it's a LITTLE embarrassing - The Hunger Games book series, which is currently in the process of being made into a movie series (first movie due out in 2012). I'm kind of ashamed to admit it because it's technically a "young adult" series, much like Twilight (blech) and Harry Potter (fun movies but I haven't read the books). But all I can say is, I REALLY wish this book series had been around when I was a teeny bopper. I am certain I would have become completely obsessed then if it had existed. ;-) The books are certainly not perfect; they have their flaws and I had some frustrations with the final book in the series, but they were still damn good entertainment overall. And this is one of those "YA" book series that is getting adults all over the world obsessed with it, so I don't feel too bad that I got sucked in as well. ;-)
It's not hard for me to tell what it is that draws me to these obsessions. There are several elements at play, but the biggest one is that they always have a strong female protagonist (or prominent co-lead character in the case of Chuck) that I can live vicariously through while she gets to do many exciting things that us "normal" people don't get to do in real life. :) Someone who can basically get to have all the fun that the guy character normally gets to have in like 90% of all entertainment out there, lol. I may be exaggerating there with the 90% number, but I do find it pretty rare to find a strong female lead in most movies/t.v. shows/books. Especially the ones that have a theme where the main character gets to kick ass (action/spy/adventure/sci-fi type stuff).
The lead character in The Hunger Games is named Katniss (strange name) and to say that she has "fun" is extremely wrong because these books are about a future dystopian society where 24 teenagers are forced into an "arena" every year to fight to the death ... heheh. Soooo ... yeah ... "fun" is really NOT the correct word in this case. BUT, with Twilight being the reigning teeny-bopper book/movie series in the past few years, I just found this book series SO refreshing in that it had such a strong female lead character. Bella Swan is seriously the weakest lead character I've ever seen and it absolutely drives me up the wall. Thank goodness that characters like Katniss Everdeen exist out there for teenage girls to look up to instead. And I know the theme of the series is somewhat of a "copycat" of Battle Royale and The Running Man ... what book/t.v./movie these days isn't at least partially derivative of something that came before it? It certainly didn't stop me from getting sucked in to this one nonetheless hahah.
Anyway these three books are in the midst of being turned into a movie series, and I am extremely worried that the movie series will ruin the whole thing. Partially because, well, that's pretty much what ALWAYS happens when books are made into movies. But also because they are shooting for a PG-13 rating for a set of books that starts off quite dark and only gets MUCH darker from there. By the end of the third book I felt like I needed therapy ... how the hell can they make this PG-13 without stripping it down?? I don't think they can. So ... yeah I'm pretty sure the movies will ruin it.
On the bright side, I do think they made a really good casting choice on the actress who is playing Katniss though - Jennifer Lawrence, who was nominated for an Oscar for her portrayal of Ree Dolly in Winter's Bone last year. She was great in that role and Katniss is practically the exact same character in many ways, so that works well.
I think they also made a great choice with Woody Harrelson as Haymitch. There are two male love interests and I'm not super confident in the casting choices for those though. We'll see. The director is Gary Ross, who has not directed anything remotely like this before. His previous movies are Seabiscuit, Dave, Pleasantville, and ... Lassie?? Yikes. I mean I know the first three are good movies but they are NOTHING like this one. Please don't screw this up, movie people. I know you're going to.
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